"C'mere girl, lemme nibble on your ear."
- Mike Tyson
Robe Found in Gov Cuomo's Wardrobe Accused of Inappropriate Conduct by Movers
A loose fitting velvet garment with slightly discolored and crusty front flaps was found hanging in the governor's wardrobe Saturday morning. As boxes were hauled to the curb, the robe made its move.
The hunter becomes the hunted.
It was around 10AM when Sal Giordano, owner of Albany's Sicilian moving company, Gumba Roombas, first discovered the robe. The unmistakable Cuomo family crest (two hands "cupping") was embroidered in gold stitching on the front pocket, and across the belt, it read "Govern This." A forensics team's blacklight later confirmed the robe belonged to the former governor.
Giordano told us the robe had a presence like a tractor beam. As he got closer, he started to hear whispers asking him if he'd ever "put on an older robe before?" and if he wanted to, he could "feel around in [its] deep pockets." Before he knew what was going on, Giordano said he was standing in the mirror draped in the robe's velvet embrace - he'd somehow become undressed.
What were the robe's intentions?
It is unclear at the moment. Giordano claims he made no indication that he was interested in the robe, and that he was only there to "do his job," but the robe insists that it slips its sleeves around everyone and therefore it did nothing wrong.
Charts and Graphs
Sometimes words aren't enough.
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