“Okay, perfect, now don’t move.”
- Madame Tussaud
Tom Brady Says He Looks Forward to End of Season When He Finally Gets Put Out to Stud
TAMPA BAY — During a press junket before Monday night’s Wild Card clash against the Dallas Cowboys, Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady said while he still wants to win, he can’t help but look forward to the of the season when his ownership group finally puts him out to stud.
“There are no two ways about it, Tom’s a thoroughbred,” said leading partner of Tom’s ownership group Avery Browne, “grandaddy knew when he first picked him off the auction block that he was special. Mind you, Tom didn’t look like much back then. A bit gawky in stride like a pup whose feet were too big for his body. That’s why he fell so far in the rounds. But like Michelangelo with a slab of solid marble, grandaddy saw what was underneath. I remember that day he came home and walked Tom down the back of the trailer, he told me, ‘Avery, sugar, I think we got ourselves a Sir Gallahand,’ and after over two decades of excellence, it’s time to cash in on that golden seed.”
Brady told reporters the move to retire Claiborne Farm in Kentucky, where mares of suitable genetic makeup would be flown in from around the globe to bare platoons of his offspring for sale to the highest bidder, was meant to begin back in 2020 following the success of his seventh Super Bowl win. Unfortunately, the untimely death of their first in line, Ruth Badder Ginsburg, and the global disruption due to the COVID pandemic, meant Brady needed to be sent back out onto the field while future arrangements could be made. The group came close again following the 2021 season but reversed course a few short weeks later. But Browne told us the time is now right after getting rid of “the final obstacle” — Gisele.
“It’s something my dad and I could only dream of while playing catch in the backyard when I was a kid,” said Brady, “and now that it’s almost here, I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.”
At the printing of this newsletter, rumors were circulating that Brady’s ownership group had received a call to purchase rights of first refusal for the first 35 of Tom’s offspring from the Saudi Government.
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