“If I ever get pulled over, I flash a little nip and they usually let me go.”
- Danny DeVito
After Forgetting Orange Slices, Mom Demoted to Assistant to the Team Parent
DANBURY, CT — In the wake of three successive losses, all by second-half collapse, the U8 Danbury Thunder Bears have demoted team parent Colleen Chambers after, yet again, forgetting to bring the halftime orange slices.
“It’s inexcusable. And that’s all I’m going to say about it,” said Thunder Bear head coach, and husband of Colleen, Mark Chambers, “The boys deserve better. They deserve oranges.”
Thunder Bear fans say the lack of energizing halftime snacks could be seen directly in the team’s second-half play. Lethargic passing and a general disinterest in what’s happening on the pitch, marked by several players lying completely face down in the grass, have seen the team drop to last place in the standings.
“When it comes to a contest between two teams and one has halftime orange slices, and the other doesn’t, there’s only one outcome,” said coach Chambers, “simple as that.”
At the printing of this newsletter, Thunder Bear faithful watched on in agony as the newly appointed team parent, Bridget Vonn, was ejected from the sideline and banned for life from returning to the sporting complex after she hurled a lawn chair at the 14-year-old center referee, saying “the whistle isn't the only thing you’re blowing.”
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