“Texture is one of the most valuable senses when it comes to food. That’s why I eat with my hands.”
- Celine Dion
FBI Confirm Boxes Taken from Mar-a-Lago Raid Filled with Used Fast Food Wrappers
MAR-A-LAGO — Early Monday morning, FBI agents executed a search warrant at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence. Authorities were in search of classified documents presumably taken by the former president. In total, agents hauled roughly 20 boxes of material. The FBI has now confirmed that among the boxes taken were several filled entirely with old fast food wrappers. Each wrapper accompanied by handwritten notes marking what item it contained, the year of consumption, and his musings.
Below is a reproduction of what was in the boxes. While it would be nearly impossible to print all of the hundreds of thousands of wrappers confiscated, we’ve decided to highlight some of them for you. We do warn, however, that some of them may shock you.
(1955) McDonald’s Big Mac
“You never forget your first.”
(1983) Burger King Croissan’wich
“Probably — NO DEFINITELY — the best thing to ever come out of France.”
(1991) McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish
“JUST SAW GOD. HE IS FISH!!”
(2000) Subway Meatball Sub
“I don’t usually like ethnic food, but I think they’re on to something here — Also, great chat with Jared. Nice guy. Lots in common. Have your secretary set up a meeting to introduce him to Epstein.”
(2005) Chick-fil-A Deluxe Sandwich
“Went on Sunday — Everyone opens for Donny — Suck it Jesus!”
(2008) KFC Family Bucket
(2012) Hardee’s Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger
“Now I know why it's called Hard-Ds ;) If this keeps up, I gotta see a doctor! WOAH MAMA!”
(2015) Burger King Halloween Whopper
“Arguably the reason I ran for Prez in the first place. Black bun taking job from a White bun — SAD!”
(2016) In-N-Out Double Double
“‘Old In-N-Out’ — reminds me of my nickname backstage at the pageants — GOOD TIMES!”
(2017) Taco Bell Naked Chicken Chalupa
“You had me at Naked.”
(2018) McDonald’s Szechuan Sauce
At the sending of this newsletter, FBI agents uncovered a false bottom in one of the boxes. In it, they found a red 9 1/2 x 11 envelope branded with a yellow “M” marked “Secret Sauce.”
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